Living with my in laws has been a nice experience Alhumdulilah.  When you live with someone you build a relationship with them that cannot be built over the phone.  It’s a nice time to understand your in laws and get to know their likes and dislikes.  I feel you build a true relationship with your in laws when you live with them for a period of time.  In this day and age many daughter in laws become hesitant to stay with there in laws even if it is for a temporary time.

Now a days there are some women who put a wall up between their in laws and themselves.  This is the start of a bad beginning.  One must understand that although differences may occur your in laws are your husband’s family and they deserve to be respected.  Often you hear of the stereotypical mother in law who is overruling and always involved in your relationship with your husband.  I am not denying that there are some mother in laws who fit in this category, and these type of mother in laws need to realize that these sort of relationships are not about a power trip, instead they should be relationships of comfort and love.

People also need to realize there will be times of disagreement and misunderstanding, but then again things like this happen when you are human and it doesn’t mean its the end of a relationship or end of the world for that matter.  As Muslims we need to deal with situations with the best manner.  And even if your mother in law is wrong and you’re right it doesn’t mean you need to go the extra mile in a disagreement to prove your point.  The following hadith opened my eyes:

Abu Umamah narrated: Allah’s Messenger Messenger (pbuh) said. “I guarantee an abode within the boundary of Paradise for one who gives up arguing, even if he is right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun, and I guarantee the sublime portion of Paradise for one whose conduct is good.” (Abu Dawood)

I think this is a good enough reason to hold your tongue in matters of disagreement!

I have been seeing and hearing a lot of divorce occuring in our Ummah.  And in a few personal cases that I know of, most of the time the couples have a good relationship, but it was the interfering of in laws that drove the once happy couple apart.  Are petty differences worth a divorce?  The Quran states a beautiful ayah,

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad.  Repel evil by that deed which is better; and thereupon, the one whom between you and him is enmity will become as though he was a devoted friend (41:34).

What a wonderful advice from Allah SWT Himself!  Subhanallah!  I believe many relationships can be saved if this beautiful advice is followed.

I leave you with a piece of advice my dear father gave me when I got married 6 years ago.  “Beta (my dear daughter), remember if you want a blissful marriage make your husband’s family as if it is your own.”  Alhumdulilah I followed his advice, and by the grace of All Mighty Allah, Allah has blessed me with a good marriage.

May Allah protect my husband’s family, May He give them all the good in this life and even better in the hereafter!

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I am originally from Michigan, so I guess you can say I am returning to my hometown. I have been in Chicago for a few years and have met the most amazing people. People that I can call true friends, friends for the sake of Allah. Chicago is a special place for me, its a place I came a few months after I graduated, a place I had my first child, and a place where I had many happy moments in life, Alhumdulilah. It makes me very sad that I have to leave, because truly Chicago is a place I like to call home. This reminds me of the other day when my dear friend Liv and I were having breakfast together at Maxfield’s. I had told her that Chicago has been a very happy place for me, and she said something that really touched my heart, she said inshallah Farah you will have many more happy moments wherever you are in life. When she said that I had to try very hard to hold my tears back.

On a happier note, it is nice to know that I will be returning to my family and friends in Michigan. It will be nice for us to spend some time with everyone before we leave. I know it is going to be very hard for our parents and siblings to see us leave and I know that deep down inside they are hoping for a change in plans. Ultimately Allah is the Planner and he decrees what is to happen, all we can do is hope and pray that the move goes smoothly.

When I pack my last few things away I know its not just for some days but for a few years. The thought gives me butterflies of the excitement to come. This has been something my husband and I have been wanting to do for some time. And we have decided that this would be a great time to take such a venture. There are days where I have mixed feelings about leaving, thinking of my family, friends and belongings that I will be leaving behind, but it is a great opportunity to study abroad, an experience of a lifetime. I know we will look back and be happy we made the decision we made.

I’d like to give a big shout out to all of the people I have met while living in Chicago, especially Qabeelah Wasat, my fellow Al Maghribers. You all are great people mashallah. Please do keep my family and I in your duas as I will keep you in mine inshallah!

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The lady was about to leave the aisle and all of a sudden she turns and asks with a grin, “Where are you from?” And I replied “My parents are from India.” She said “Oh, ok” in a slightly unsettling manner. As she was about to leave I asked her where she was from since she seemed like she was from a different country. She told me she was from Mexico. Then the doors of conversation opened.  Subhanallah the way Allah plans things!

She told me she wanted to know where I was from because of the way I was dressed (hejab and abaya). I told her the way I am dressed is because of my religion and not where I’m from. Then I told her I was Muslim and follow the religion of Islam!

Amala, the young woman I was talking to, probably in her mid to late twenties started asking me all kinds of questions about the way Muslim women are dressed. She asked if we are forced to wear it, if we wear it because our husbands are jealous, why we have to wear it, etc. And Subhanallah, I was able to answer all of her questions in a nice manner without hesitation, Alhumdulilah it was all by the grace of Allah! She was so interested in everything I had to say and was listening intently. We must have been talking for 15-20 minutes. At the end of the conversation she said that she saw things in a different light! At that time I gave her my personal business card and told her if she had any other questions or misconceptions she wanted me to clarify I would be more than happy in doing so. I left the store smiling!

Dawah has become a particular area of interest of mine since I made dawah to my neighbor Joe (http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/03/28/a-few-kind-words/). I make dua to Allah SWT to enable me to convey His message in a correct and eloquent manner. It is our duty as Muslims to convey the message of Islam, Allah is the one who guides!  I pray that Allah gives guidance to Amala and my neighbor Joe, and to allow them to see the truth of Islam!

Ladies, remember as Muslimahs who where hejab and/or abaya we are walking sources of dawah. Many people look at us and have a thought or wonder why we do what we do. And then those who have enough curiosity approach us and ask us. This is a great way to open the doors to converse about our religion and clear up misconceptions people may have!

Many look, some ask, few ponder!

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I have been married for over 5 years now Alhumdulilah, out of the 5 years my husband has been a consultant for a little over 2 years. So what’s the big deal? You might be thinking it sounds like a regular 9am-5pm job, and I have the house clean and dinner ready by the time he comes home in the evening, think again. As a consultant my husband flies out on Sunday nights and comes back home on Thursday nights.

This may be a hard relationship for most people. It’s not for everybody. You have to be prepared to be away from your husband 4 days out of the week, take care of everything at home on your own, and be ready to share him with other events and things on the weekends. In the beginning it took a little time to get use to, I would miss him dearly as I laid down in bed and would count the days till Thursday night would arrive. But after sometime it just became a way of life.

Being the eldest amongst my siblings I had always been quite independent, I think this quality really helps me with this lifestyle. You have to know how to keep yourself busy (Isra does a great job in this department!) and most importantly keep up with yourself even though your husband is not around. I remember in the beginning I use to be in my PJs most of the day since it was just me and Isra, but I soon realized this really affected the way I felt. So I started getting ready and took care of myself, I felt a big difference. Isra apparently saw a difference too because when I walked out of the bedroom she said “Oh wow”!

There are definitely pros and cons of being a wife of a consultant.

Some pros include…

-Traveling to different places with my husband a few weeks here and there. So far we have been blessed to have seen California, North Carolina, and South Carolina. Whenever he has a new project Isra and I try to go visit him for a few weeks to check out the area!

-You start to appreciate one another a lot more since you see a lot less of each other.

-Being alone at home taking care of a child and household chores makes you stronger as a woman.

Some cons include…

-You’re not together as a family as often as you would like

-The weekends together go by way to fast

-Cooking for one person is hard, you just don’t feel like cooking when you have to just feed yourself!

-Not seeing your husband on a daily basis.

All in all, the profession of a consultant can easily break a marriage if one chooses career over their relationship. It cannot work with all people, it is very important to discuss this career option with your spouse or soon to be spouse before getting married because it can be a big test for a relationship. Alhumdulilah my husband and I agreed that we were both the type of people that could handle this lifestyle!

And guess what day tomorrow is? THURSDAY! The day my husband comes home inshallah

South Carolina to Illinois

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To my suprise since the day I landed here I have not received one dirty look, Alhumdulilah!  Instead I have received many smiles and nods of respect.  People here actually go out of their way to be nice, opening doors for you and  sincerely asking how you are doing.  There doesn’t seem to be many Muslims here, I bumped into one Muslimah at the mall.  She came up to me and introduced herself and told me that my face seemed new to her since she knew bascially all the Muslims in town!  There also isn’t any zabiha places to eat around here, which was a little hard to adjust to in the beginning.

Reflecting upon all of this makes me grateful for all the things I do have back home in Chicago.  The great Muslim community, the abundant Masajid and an assortment of zabiha restaurants you can choose from.  Alhumdulilah, it truly is a blessing.

On another note, I have been able to do some dawah while I have been here.  Every morning there is a breakfast reception in the hotel I am staying at.  Isra and I make our way down and get some breakfast every morning.  The employee who works there, Barbara, is a very friendly African American woman.  After a few days of seeing one another we started talking.  At first it was basic conversation about our backgrounds.  Just yesterday I thought it would be a good time to bring up religion.  The topic came about so smoothly, it wasn’t wierd or akward at all.  Alhumdulilah it was a very good conversation and I hope that Allah SWT will guide her to the truth.  She listened very intently and didn’t refute at all!

As Muslims we have to remember that it is part of our duty to spread the deen of Islam.  This has been a particularly new interest of mine and I have been trying to make the best of every oppotunity I get to do dawah.  Many of us think we are not capable of spreading our deen because we are not knowledgable enough.  The truth is we all know the basic beliefs of our religion and that is essentially what you need to convey.  You don’t have to be fancy with your words, you just need to speak from the heart and tell others what the religion of Islam is truly about.  There is a great CD set out there by Sh. Muhammad Alshareef called ”Fiqh Ad-Dawah: Guiding to Allah by the Book” definitely worth checking out.  Inshallah Allah will make this duty easy upon all of us.

All in all I would have to say the south has truly lived up to its “Southern Hospitality.”  Back to Chicago on Friday inshallah!

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As I got a moment to sit down and relax (while Isra was sleeping of course!)  I began to think, as much as I love traveling there is no place like home.  After a few weeks anywhere I start to miss my daily routine.  I feel like when I am at home I am a lot more disciplined with myself  when it comes to doing extra good deeds or eating healthy and exercising.  The things I do at home such as read Quran before I go to bed, exercise, and eat healthy  are things I want to be a part of me…a habit.  While traveling I realized that these things I do at home are not true habits because it seems when I leave my “bubble” in Wheaton, Illinois I leave these so called habits behind as well.

It is important for a person to make the good things they do into a habit, something that a person does automatically without giving much thought.  Of course if you travel a lot it may not be possible to have the exact same daily routine you have at home, this is normal.  But I believe you can selectively pick and choose the good things you do on a daily basis and apply to your day even when you are on the go.  This will make you feel good both physically, spiritually and will keep the homesick feeling at bay.

One problem many people have is a take it or leave it attitude.  If a person cannot have their complete routine they will leave it totally.  To get past this we need to realize that when traveling or visiting family the truth is we most likely will not be able to have our typical daily routine, but to do a few things that are easy to do is better than nothing.

This not only applies to adults but children as well.  I know for those who are mothers (myself included) may get frustrated at times when our children’s routine goes haywire.  Their sleeping, eating, playing, you name it gets all jumbled around when you’re on the road.  This is just a fact of life.  But we can still do things such as bath before bedtime, and reading a book before bedtime, and going for daily walks to make things feel a little more like home.

So all in all one thing I learned from my reflections on traveling so much is that a habit is not a true habit unless you do those things where ever you are in any circumstance.  Since I will be traveling quite a bit this month my goal is to pick 4 good things I do daily at home and apply it and make it into a REAL, TRUE habit!

Are you a traveler?  Read the following quick tips, called Triple P, to keep your Mind, Body, and Soul nourished!

1. Pick 4- good things you do when you are at home and make them into REAL habits. Make sure you try to pick one for each mind, body, and soul! (i.e. Mind=Reading a good book, Body=Exercising/Eating healthy, Soul=Reading and reflecting upon the Qura)

2. Pay a visit- to the local Masjid.  When you settle in at your hotel make sure you look up the closest masjid, its always nice to find a Muslim Community!

3. Purge the urge- to always eat out, try to stay in a hotel that has a basic kitchen.  Go to the local market and buy fruits, veggies, eggs, bread. etc. and make your own quick meals.  A lot better for your heart and pocket!

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Inshallah you all are doing well.  I wanted to inform you of a correction in a previous post I had written, “A Creative Way to Lift a Burden.”  In the post I had written how one could pay their fidiyah by purchasing FEED bags from Whole Foods.   My dear group in charge (May Allah bless her and her family) from Al Huda Institute emailed me asking if it was ok to pay the fidiyah to Non-Muslims.  Alhumdulilah for her asking this very important question that did not occur to me.

That same weekend of her inquiry, Sheikh Yasir Qadhi (May Allah accept his good deeds) was in Chicago to teach an Al Maghrib Class.  The question was forwarded to him and he said that the fidiyah MUST be given to Muslims, unless it is absolutely impossible.  Which in most cases it is very easy to feed needy Muslims through organizations such as Islamic Relief.  I also went on Wikipedia to check the demographic statistics of Rwanda (the country in which the children are given food if the “FEED” bags are purchased) to see if the majority by any chance was Muslim, it was not.

Therefore I will have to repay my fidiyah.  I will most likely pay it through Islamic Relief.  If you purchased these bags in order to pay your fidiyah please understand that you MUST REPAY the FIDIYAH.  If you go through Islamic Relief or any other organization make sure you specify the money to go towards the feeding of people.  Another idea could be to send money to relatives back home and have them feed the needy Muslims in their local area.

I also had the question of how much money would one have to pay.  Usually if you are feeding people you calculate how much one average meal would cost and multiply it by the number of people you need to feed (1 person for every fast missed). So for an example, you can get a good meal for $5.00 in the United States, I missed 30 days of fasts so that’s 30 people x $5.00=$150.  I would send a check to the designated organization of $150 to feed the needy Muslims. Allah knows best.

I ask Allah the Most Merciful to forgive me if I have led anyone astray, indeed He is the most knowledgeable in all that we do in action and in heart.  I ask Allah to accept all of our good deeds.  And for those who have purchased these bags, I ask Allah to accept this act as a charitable act in and of itself.

Your Sister in Islam,

Farah Anwarullah

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“Those will have gardens of perpetual residence; beneath them rivers will flow. They will be adorned therein with bracelets of gold and will wear green garments of fine silk and brocade, reclining therein on adorned couches. Excellent is the reward, and good is the resting place.” [18:31]

There are times we all lose focus. Shaytaan gets the best of us and we forget what we are really working for. We forget our ultimate goal. Anytime I start feeling like this I immediately think of this ayah from Surah Al-Kahf. After I read it I regain focus and get a quick eman boost!

Just like homes in this life aren’t free neither is a home in Jannah. We must all work hard to get that home made of gold and jewels. To receive all that has been mentioned in the ayah above we need to do as many righteous deeds we can with sincerity and according to the sunnah. From picking up something off the floor to giving charity we should never pass an opportunity to do good.

There will never be ultimate comfort in this life, even when we feel like we have reached comfort our minds still carry worries and concerns of this life. The true comfort is saved for the hereafter. We put so much effort to attain things in this life that are all temporary. One day we will die and leave all that we worked for in this life behind. What have we done to ensure that we will have a blissful hereafter? The Shaytaan forgets we have to work hard for the hereafter. We have to look beyond this life and look forward to the eternal life.

As wives we need to join our husband and help one another to do as much good as possible. When there is such support it is easier to do such things. We should encourage our husbands to do Islamic activities. Encourage him to join in on a weekly halaqa, or take weekend seminars with institutes like Al Maghrib. Often when we try to plan a husband/wife activity we try to come up with something “fun” to do. This usually involves dining out and maybe even a bit of shopping. We should also take out time to do Islamic activities together. I personally enjoy doing Salah together. If you don’t do this already give it a try! There are other things you could do as well such as going to an Islamic lecture, reading a book, or reflecting upon a ayah from the Quran or hadith. When the husband and wife are strong in their faith inshallah the children will also follow.

Generally the youth get more attracted to the adornments of this life. That is why there is a hadith that states one of the seven types of people to receive Allah’s shade on the day of judgment is a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah [paraphrased from Sahih Bukhari]. Don’t you want your children to be amongst these youth? As mothers we need to teach our children the great reward of obeying Allah and worshiping Him alone. We need to teach them that there is more to life than Barbie, Cinderella, Basketball, and Legos. There is the need to attain Jannah, our ultimate goal!

The good things in this world should remind us about Allah and then remind us of our final destination. Allah has sent us here for a test and those who pass will have their great reward in the eternal life inshallah!

 *Activity* Print out this ayah [18:31] and put it somewhere you can see, it is a great reminder of what we will attain in the hereafter if we are believers who are most obedient to Allah SWT and work in His way.

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As Isra was going at her ice cream I started thinking about how the golden arches twinkle in so many children’s eyes. A child is introduced to McDonald’s from such a young age and is instantly hooked to it. I am a mother who is totally against feeding children this type of frozen, fried, zapped, ready to eat fast food. With child obesity on the rise it is very important for us to watch what we feed children.

There are some mothers who drive their kids to Mickey D’s for a quick meal, knowing that their kids will enjoy the food, not complain, and at the end get a good amount of food for your buck. And then you have other mothers who are rushing back home from work and have no energy to cook up a meal after work so they think the easiest and cheapest thing to do is pick up a few Happy Meals for the kids. I don’t think there is any excuse for someone to feed their children this unhealthy food. Moms at home can take time out to make meals they know their kids will enjoy and the working mom should plan ahead and manage her time so she will be able to have a homemade meal ready for that day.

McDonald’s fast food is nutritionally high in fat and calories with very little good nutrition in it. So why would you want to feed your kid this garbage? Now, granted every now and then we all like eating out because it’s fun, a nice change for our taste buds, and most importantly it gives us women a break! But there are many other options of eating out than these typical fast food joints. For an example, our family loves eating at places like Chipotle, Qdoba, and Sweet Tomatoes. These places serve great fresh good that is delicious!

This post is not to tell you to stop eating out, just remember, when you do feel like eating out make wiser and healthier choices. And if the kids really want to go to the golden arches get them something small like some milk and apple dappers, or even a small sweet treat like an ice cream cone. This way they get to go, and eat something without going overboard on fat and calories. And remember when you make healthier choices for your children as they grow up they too will understand the importance of staying away from fast foods and eating a healthy, balanced diet.

“Oh mankind, eat from whatever is on the earth that is lawful and good (clean, pure, good) and do not follow the steps of Shaytaan. Indeed to you he is a clear enemy.” [2:168]

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Bismillah.

Narrated by Ibn Abbas: The Prophet (saw) said: “I was shown the hellfire and that te majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” He (saw) replied, “They were ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and good done to one of them and then she sees something in you no of her liking she will say, I have never received any good from you.”

Inshallah I will be giving a brief talk about a women’s natural disposition of generalizing her husband’s negative traits. Not only does this hadith give us a marital tip but it shows how much Allah SWT dislikes the act of ungratefulness. It is also very interesting to note that the punishment of this act is directly proportional to the impact it has on your marriage.

Generally speaking, if you look at the commands and punishments of Allah you will notice that the more negative impact a sin has on your life the more severe the punishment. Isn’t this so? For an example, adultery is a major sin. It ruins your relationship with your spouse which could lead to a bad relationship with your children. All of this leads to destruction in society. So as you can see adultery has a huge negative affect on your life therefore its punishment is equally as severe.

Tying this back to the hadith, being ungrateful to your husband can cause rifts in your marriage and furthermore it’s a road map to the hellfire. So what exactly is at the end of the road?

The Quran states:

“No food will there be for them except from a bitter, thorny plant which neither nourishes nor avails against hunger.” [88:6-7]

“They will be give to drink boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels to pieces. ” [47:15]

Subhanallah, Allah gives us a description of the hellfire and fully illustrates the punishment and torment. One will be so hungry and thirsty and will have nothing but these things to eat and drink. A person will eat the thorny plants and drink the boiling water hoping that his hunger and thirst will go away, but it doesn’t!

There are many examples of how women generalize their husband’s negative traits. Sometimes husbands have a chore in the house that they do on a regular basis. Usually it’s vacuuming or taking out the trash. He usually does it, but once in a while he forgets. You see the undone chore and start thinking of the fact that it’s not done, that day there are other things adding to your stress and the first moment you see your husband you say, “You never help me around the house.” You say this although you know that he truly does help you, but as any human forgets once in a while. The other example of ungratefulness is when you see good qualities in other husbands and compare them to your husband, totally undermining all of the good qualities your husband has that others do not.

Granted there are many times when women are overwhelmed with the many they have to do. From chasing after children, to cooking on a daily basis and at times even working. We have all the excuses in the world to be stressed, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for the moment we are with our husbands to take out our frustrations on him when he makes one isolated mistake.

Inshallah if you follow my three step formula called “FRE” you will avoid this dangerous pitfall in your marriage.

1. FOCUS on the positive traits rather than the negative one he just did

2. Seek REFUGE in Allah from the whispers of Shaytaan, this is the most important step one could take. Once you do this you will automatically feel a calmness overcome you.

3. Catch yourself EARLY before you go 1,000 miles in the wrong direction

Inshallah I make dua to Allah SWT, for Him to put mercy and blessings between you and your husband.

Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ‘ash-hadu ‘an laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa ‘Anta, ‘astaghfiruka wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayka.

Glory is to You, O Allah, and praise is to You. I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but You. I seek Your forgiveness and repent to You.

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