Growing up I’ve always been blessed to have a best friend. She was always there for me through good times and hard times. She was one person who would give me honest and good advice. She is my mother.
Lately I’ve been reflecting on the relationship of my mother and I because I too want my daughter to feel that I am her best friend. I remember going to my mom and telling her EVERYTHING. It was so nice because she in return would give me good advice, and steer me clear of the danger zone, and I knew she would keep my secrets safe. I think I did this because I identified my mother not only as my mom but as my best friend as well. Growing up my mom always told me we were best friends and I think that is what really made out relationship strong.
It sounds silly, but when you tell your child from a young age you’re best friends they really believe and make it so you are best friends. I tell my daughter we are best friends nearly every day and have been doing so since she was just a little baby. Our relationship is solid (mashallah), one built with trust, friendship, and lots of love. She will soon be four years old and she already comes and tells me everything without having fear…yes fear. Often children don’t tell their parents things out of fear. They fear they will get in trouble for what they have to say or the thoughts they might be having. Therefore most kids go to their peers to tell them their secrets, which most of the time isn’t the greatest idea nor is it productive.
So the question is how do you become best friends with your children?
1. Talk to them like adults.
I never baby talk with my children, I talk to them like they are my level. This makes them more intelligent and makes them feel respected and important. When they feel like they are at the same level as you there are more chances that they will make you the “go to” person for many issues in their lives because they know they will be able to have a good discussion with you.
2. Tell them you are best friends.
I always tell my daughter we’re best friends. Most of the time it’s random and sometimes I sit down and have a heart to heart explaining why we make such good best friends. I’ve done this since she was a baby not able to walk or talk! Now when people ask her, “Isra who’s your best friend?” she gives a big smile and says my Mommy!
Remember that their is a fine line between being a parent and a best friend, you must keep it balanced and not let that line be crossed.
3. Lose Control
That’s right lose control. Being a good parent doesn’t mean one who is in most control. Your children are individuals who have their own thoughts and ideas and one should respect that. They have their own thinking capacity and know if the wrong choice is chosen there are consequences. Giving them this “space” will give you more respect in their eyes and bring them closer to you because they will realize you treat them as a person and individual and not something that is controlled.
4. Build Trust
Make sure when your children tell you things that they want to be kept between you two only that it stays that way. There might be times where you may think a topic discussed between you and your child was “cute” or “unbelievable” and you share with others what was not supposed to be told to others. This should be avoided because its a way your child will lose trust in you.
Parenting blooms when you build strong relationships with your children. Relationships made of love, friendship, trust, and respect. It honestly is a whole ‘nother level of parenting…next level parenting I’d like to call it!
