Growing up I’ve always been blessed to have a best friend.  She was always there for me through good times and hard times.  She was one person who would give me honest and good advice. She is my mother.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on the relationship of my mother and I because I too want my daughter to feel that I am her best friend.  I remember going to my mom and telling her EVERYTHING.  It was so nice because she in return would give me good advice, and steer me clear of the danger zone, and I knew she would keep my secrets safe.  I think I did this because I identified my mother not only as my mom but as my best friend as well.  Growing up my mom always told me we were best friends and I think that is what really made out relationship strong.

It sounds silly, but when you tell your child from a young age you’re best friends they really believe and make it so you are best friends.  I tell my daughter we are best friends nearly every day and have been doing so since she was just a little baby. Our relationship is solid (mashallah), one built with trust, friendship, and lots of love.  She will soon be four years old and she already comes and tells me everything without having fear…yes fear. Often children don’t tell their parents things out of fear.  They fear they will get in trouble for what they have to say or the thoughts they might be having.  Therefore most kids go to their peers to tell them their secrets, which most of the time isn’t the greatest idea nor is it productive.

So the question is how do you become best friends with your children?

1. Talk to them like adults.

I never baby talk with my children, I talk to them like they are my level. This makes them more intelligent and makes them feel respected and important. When they feel like they are at the same level as you there are more chances that they will make you the “go to” person for many issues in their lives because they know they will be able to have a good discussion with you.

2. Tell them you are best friends.

I always tell my daughter we’re best friends.  Most of the time it’s random and sometimes I sit down and have a heart to heart explaining why we make such good best friends. I’ve done this since she was a baby not able to walk or talk! Now when people ask her, “Isra who’s your best friend?” she gives a big smile and says my Mommy!

Remember that their is a fine line between being a parent and a best friend, you must keep it balanced and not let that line be crossed.

3. Lose Control

That’s right lose control.  Being a good parent doesn’t mean one who is in most control. Your children are individuals who have their own thoughts and ideas and one should respect that.  They have their own thinking capacity and know if the wrong choice is chosen there are consequences. Giving them this “space” will give you more respect in their eyes and bring them closer to you because they will realize you treat them as a person and individual and not something that is controlled.

4. Build Trust

Make sure when your children tell you things that they want to be kept between you two only that it stays that way.  There might be times where you may think a topic discussed between you and your child was “cute” or “unbelievable” and you share with others what was not supposed to be told to others. This should be avoided because its a way your child will lose trust in you.

Parenting blooms when you build strong relationships with your children. Relationships made of love, friendship, trust, and respect.  It honestly is a whole ‘nother level of parenting…next level parenting I’d like to call it!

Have you ever had one of those days where you can’t pray or fast because a “friend” decided to visit?  Or it’s Ramadhan and you’re  not fasting because your nursing or expecting?  Most of us Muslimahs  have gone through such an experience.  It’s a time when one is very prone to getting the eman blues as I like to call it. I can recall a personal case. Last year I was blessed enough to experience Ramadhan in Alexandria, Egypt.  Although the spirit of Ramadhan constantly surrounded me, I had a hard time feeling like it was Ramadhan since I wasn’t fasting (I was expecting baby #2 Alhumdulilah!).  There were days I was down because I felt like I wasn’t reaping the full benefits of Ramadhan. I was feeling the case of the blues, the eman blues. There comes a moment in life for all of us Muslim women where we won’t be able to pray or fast for a period of time, whether it be that time of the month, being pregnant, nursing or those forty some days after having a baby.  It’s very important to do other things to keep your eman up at these times and preventing yourself from slipping into the eman blues.  Because once you slip into the blue zone it takes more effort to make your eman as strong as it might have been.

Here are a few tips on ways to keep your eman high and afloat during those times.

The three R’s :

*Righteous deeds. By increasing good deeds and obedience one nears himself/herself to Allah.

*Refrain from sinful acts. Stay away from sinful activities and people who encourage these things, doing so will prevent your heart from being destroyed.

*Remember and Reflect. Remember Allah, His names, His attributes, His majesty. Praise Him and Glorify Him constantly, for doing this brings peace to the heart and increases your eman. Ponder on the Quran by reading the English translation. Reflect about the things that surround you and how they have been provided by the All Mighty Allah. And lastly remember and reflect on the Hereafter, doing so will remind you the purpose of life.

Doing the three R’s all times of your life will always help increase your eman, but doing these in addition to making dua more when you are not able to pray or fast will ensure that your eman stays high above the danger zone!

Ramadan has surprised us once again with its quick and sudden arrival.  The day’s fast is a bit more grueling than before, peaking around 14 hours.  When one’s mouth becomes parched from thirst and one’s stomach twists and turns from hunger it makes you grateful for all that Allah has given you.  We quickly take for granted having food and water readily available to us.  We walk up to the sink and fill our glass with water to quench our thirst at anytime we want.  We have the ability to pick and choose what we want to eat and what we feel like eating.  Unfortunately there are many in the world who haven’t had a bite to eat for countless days, or haven’t had clean water to drink to quench their thirst.  Picking and choosing what to eat and drink is far from their concerns.

There are many things you can do this month and year around to show your gratefulness and help those less fortunate.

1. Before eating and drinking make sure you pause and take a second to be grateful for the food and drink that awaits you.  Make sure you recite the specific duas before and after eating.

2. Make a consistent donation (every month) towards feeding the hungry.

Places to donate:

Africa Food Crisis

Access to Water Project

3. Want a more creative way to help the hunger crisis? Check out the following…

 FreeRice-Really cool website!  Learn and help end world hunger at the same time by providing rice to hungry people for free

The Hunger Site-Click the icon to give free food.  When you click, sponsors pay to distribute food to those in need.

4. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.  This makes one aware that this is not just a global issue but a local one as well.  It’s also a great opportunity to do dawah.

 Click here to find a soup kitchen in your area.

5. Remember the most powerful thing you can do is remember the people in need in your duas, Allah is Most Powerful and inshallah will make things  easy for them.

A few months ago I received a video titled “Chicken a la Carte.” It won an award for being best short film (6 minutes) and tells a true story.  Its what brought tears to my eyes when I saw the children laughing and it is what motivated me to write this post.  Watch below.

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com