The Muslim Housewife.

About a month ago, on a hot sticky day, I took Isra, my 15 month old daughter, to McDonald’s for an ice cream cone. I had been wanting to watch my lil munchkin eat a cone for some time and thought this would be a great day for it! As I drove into the McDonald’s parking lot the first thing that caught my eye was a drive thru lined up with Mini Vans with little kids in the back telling their Moms to make sure they get a Happy Meal with a certain toy.

As Isra was going at her ice cream I started thinking about how the golden arches twinkle in so many children’s eyes. A child is introduced to McDonald’s from such a young age and is instantly hooked to it. I am a mother who is totally against feeding children this type of frozen, fried, zapped, ready to eat fast food. With child obesity on the rise it is very important for us to watch what we feed children.

There are some mothers who drive their kids to Mickey D’s for a quick meal, knowing that their kids will enjoy the food, not complain, and at the end get a good amount of food for your buck. And then you have other mothers who are rushing back home from work and have no energy to cook up a meal after work so they think the easiest and cheapest thing to do is pick up a few Happy Meals for the kids. I don’t think there is any excuse for someone to feed their children this unhealthy food. Moms at home can take time out to make meals they know their kids will enjoy and the working mom should plan ahead and manage her time so she will be able to have a homemade meal ready for that day.

McDonald’s fast food is nutritionally high in fat and calories with very little good nutrition in it. So why would you want to feed your kid this garbage? Now, granted every now and then we all like eating out because it’s fun, a nice change for our taste buds, and most importantly it gives us women a break! But there are many other options of eating out than these typical fast food joints. For an example, our family loves eating at places like Chipotle, Qdoba, and Sweet Tomatoes. These places serve great fresh good that is delicious!

This post is not to tell you to stop eating out, just remember, when you do feel like eating out make wiser and healthier choices. And if the kids really want to go to the golden arches get them something small like some milk and apple dappers, or even a small sweet treat like an ice cream cone. This way they get to go, and eat something without going overboard on fat and calories. And remember when you make healthier choices for your children as they grow up they too will understand the importance of staying away from fast foods and eating a healthy, balanced diet.

“Oh mankind, eat from whatever is on the earth that is lawful and good (clean, pure, good) and do not follow the steps of Shaytaan. Indeed to you he is a clear enemy.” [2:168]

This past Sunday there was a potluck for two brides to be (my dear cousin-in-law and a daughter of a family friend) at my mother in laws house. At the party I gave my first Islamic “talk.” Below is the transcribed version…

Bismillah.

Narrated by Ibn Abbas: The Prophet (saw) said: “I was shown the hellfire and that te majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” He (saw) replied, “They were ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and good done to one of them and then she sees something in you no of her liking she will say, I have never received any good from you.”

Inshallah I will be giving a brief talk about a women’s natural disposition of generalizing her husband’s negative traits. Not only does this hadith give us a marital tip but it shows how much Allah SWT dislikes the act of ungratefulness. It is also very interesting to note that the punishment of this act is directly proportional to the impact it has on your marriage.

Generally speaking, if you look at the commands and punishments of Allah you will notice that the more negative impact a sin has on your life the more severe the punishment. Isn’t this so? For an example, adultery is a major sin. It ruins your relationship with your spouse which could lead to a bad relationship with your children. All of this leads to destruction in society. So as you can see adultery has a huge negative affect on your life therefore its punishment is equally as severe.

Tying this back to the hadith, being ungrateful to your husband can cause rifts in your marriage and furthermore it’s a road map to the hellfire. So what exactly is at the end of the road?

The Quran states:

“No food will there be for them except from a bitter, thorny plant which neither nourishes nor avails against hunger.” [88:6-7]

“They will be give to drink boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels to pieces. ” [47:15]

Subhanallah, Allah gives us a description of the hellfire and fully illustrates the punishment and torment. One will be so hungry and thirsty and will have nothing but these things to eat and drink. A person will eat the thorny plants and drink the boiling water hoping that his hunger and thirst will go away, but it doesn’t!

There are many examples of how women generalize their husband’s negative traits. Sometimes husbands have a chore in the house that they do on a regular basis. Usually it’s vacuuming or taking out the trash. He usually does it, but once in a while he forgets. You see the undone chore and start thinking of the fact that it’s not done, that day there are other things adding to your stress and the first moment you see your husband you say, “You never help me around the house.” You say this although you know that he truly does help you, but as any human forgets once in a while. The other example of ungratefulness is when you see good qualities in other husbands and compare them to your husband, totally undermining all of the good qualities your husband has that others do not.

Granted there are many times when women are overwhelmed with the many they have to do. From chasing after children, to cooking on a daily basis and at times even working. We have all the excuses in the world to be stressed, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for the moment we are with our husbands to take out our frustrations on him when he makes one isolated mistake.

Inshallah if you follow my three step formula called “FRE” you will avoid this dangerous pitfall in your marriage.

1. FOCUS on the positive traits rather than the negative one he just did

2. Seek REFUGE in Allah from the whispers of Shaytaan, this is the most important step one could take. Once you do this you will automatically feel a calmness overcome you.

3. Catch yourself EARLY before you go 1,000 miles in the wrong direction

Inshallah I make dua to Allah SWT, for Him to put mercy and blessings between you and your husband.

Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ‘ash-hadu ‘an laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa ‘Anta, ‘astaghfiruka wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayka.

Glory is to You, O Allah, and praise is to You. I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but You. I seek Your forgiveness and repent to You.

A Great Responsibility.

“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”

As mothers we are with our children most. Many times you see your children imitating you cooking, or ironing or reading a book. This shows that mothers have a great influence on their children without even trying. It is more important than ever for us mothers to set a good example for our children.

Allah SWT has given mothers a huge responsibility of rearing good Muslim children. Although our daily chores take over our lives it is important to prioritize and set aside some time for our children. As housewives we often feel it is part of our job description to be able to multi-task at all times. I often find myself doing the usual routine of life and of course Isra is with me at all times and I would play and read to her in between cooking dinner and studying for Al Huda. So I thought I was spending a good amount of time with Isra. In reality we need to ask ourselves how much of this time is quality time? I mention quality time because this is when you have 100% of your focus on your child.

Rearing Good Muslim Children.

Many times we think sending our children to Sunday school makes a good Muslim. This cannot be the primary source of Islamic education. Instead it can be a supplemental source of knowledge. The foundation of our children becomes strong and firm starting at home. If we surround our children with a good Islamic environment by reading Quran, reading them stories from “Heroes of Islam,” and minimizing the amount of T.V. they watch, they will naturally be more inclined to Islam and be strong in their beliefs. Another thing us mothers need to remember is if we want our children to do something or have certain habits, we need to be doing these things as well. For an example, if we want our children to read Quran daily, mothers should also be doing the same. It goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how children imitate their mothers.

Change.

Trying to achieve the goal of raising children with a strong Islamic foundation takes a lot of patience and determination. You may find that you have to change many of your habits before telling your children to do so. Because as we all know the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. How can we tell our children to do things we want them to do when we don’t do it ourselves, right? So for those who are mothers, soon to be mothers, or inshallah will be mothers in the future check yourselves. Try to instill the habits you want to see in your kids in yourself first. I bet once we do this we will automatically see some change in our kids. Lastly, we all need to remember that raising children with a strong Islamic foundation is not just good for their lives and society as a whole, but it benefits us as well. Raising good children will ensure, inshallah, that they will be a source of sadaqah jariyah when we leave this world to return to Allah SWT.