Comments on: Living With the Laws. http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/ r e d e f i n e d. Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:54:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.3 By: Huddi http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-384 Huddi Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:16:11 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-384 Jazaakumullah Khair (your whole family), I really liked the It's Never Too Late Post in themuslimtraveler, strengthens my hope in Allah. Jazaakumullah Khair (your whole family), I really liked the It’s Never Too Late Post in themuslimtraveler, strengthens my hope in Allah.

]]> By: admin http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-380 admin Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:03:53 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-380 Us salaam alaikum all. Forgive me for not giving my feedback sooner on all these great comments. Being one who has experienced both living on my own, for most of the 7 years Ive been married, and living with the in laws on and off through times of transition I truly do understand all the pros and cons. I see that this is quite an issue amongst many Muslim couples, and for the most part I see that the wife ultimately wants her own home separate from her in laws, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think this concern should definitely be one that arises at the time of marriage. Both parties should be open about the topic, if the soon to be wife doesn't want to live with her in laws and the soon to be husband wants to then they may have a rough road ahead of them. Better to clear up these sort of issues beforehand. Also, there are times couples go through transitions in there life where they have no choice but to live with their in laws. Whether it be graduating and awaiting a job offer to relocating. When you know you're there for a short period of time, its better to make the best of the situation. Lastly, this is definitely a two way thing. Not only does the daughter in law have to put effort into making things comfortable and peaceful but it has to come from the other side as well, that's when things run smoothly. All in all, I think its best for a daughter in law to have her own dwelling, most women look forward to this time in their life and expect it after marriage. I also think this makes for having a better, healthier relationship with the in laws as compared to living with them. Once again thanks for all the great comments!! Us salaam alaikum all. Forgive me for not giving my feedback sooner on all these great comments.

Being one who has experienced both living on my own, for most of the 7 years Ive been married, and living with the in laws on and off through times of transition I truly do understand all the pros and cons.

I see that this is quite an issue amongst many Muslim couples, and for the most part I see that the wife ultimately wants her own home separate from her in laws, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I think this concern should definitely be one that arises at the time of marriage. Both parties should be open about the topic, if the soon to be wife doesn’t want to live with her in laws and the soon to be husband wants to then they may have a rough road ahead of them. Better to clear up these sort of issues beforehand.

Also, there are times couples go through transitions in there life where they have no choice but to live with their in laws. Whether it be graduating and awaiting a job offer to relocating. When you know you’re there for a short period of time, its better to make the best of the situation.

Lastly, this is definitely a two way thing. Not only does the daughter in law have to put effort into making things comfortable and peaceful but it has to come from the other side as well, that’s when things run smoothly. All in all, I think its best for a daughter in law to have her own dwelling, most women look forward to this time in their life and expect it after marriage. I also think this makes for having a better, healthier relationship with the in laws as compared to living with them.

Once again thanks for all the great comments!!

]]> By: N http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-373 N Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:57:53 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-373 As-Salaamualaikum Im living with my husband and his family. It has only been three months. I live his with brother and his wife too. I find this extremely difficult, where I only get real privacy in my own bedroom as I am in hijab all the time. I where it in and out of the house, and my husband has said to me that there is no way we will move out and this is it. I find this as a real difficult issue. and I would like to know if anyone has any idea of how to come about this? Especially in the heatwave, where I cannot handle the heat. I feel so uncomfortable, and I feel so unattractive because I never look nice for my husband. In the three months I have been married to him, after the wedding he has only seen my hair done nicely once. and all other times it has been covered. Salaam As-Salaamualaikum

Im living with my husband and his family. It has only been three months. I live his with brother and his wife too. I find this extremely difficult, where I only get real privacy in my own bedroom as I am in hijab all the time. I where it in and out of the house, and my husband has said to me that there is no way we will move out and this is it. I find this as a real difficult issue. and I would like to know if anyone has any idea of how to come about this? Especially in the heatwave, where I cannot handle the heat. I feel so uncomfortable, and I feel so unattractive because I never look nice for my husband. In the three months I have been married to him, after the wedding he has only seen my hair done nicely once. and all other times it has been covered.

Salaam

]]> By: M http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-351 M Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:39:25 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-351 As-Salaamualaikum, Alhamdulillah for your wonderful post sister, I truly commend you on raising awareness of the importance of making sincere dua'a for your spouse's parents and always wishing well for them. However, I must say that living with in-laws right away after marriage is not a good thing primarily because at this point the spouses have a general adjustment phase in getting to know one another, and involving others in that adjustment can cause greater dissatisfaction. Every sister I know who has lived or lives with in-laws has been or is unhappy. One is currently on medication to combat mental health issues as a result. This is not to say that there are not times when the situation does work out, I'm certain there are exceptions to the case. However, I believe strongly that spouses should create their own dwelling and build on their life together. Eventually that life will involve the care for elderly parents, and this is where both spouses should put 100% of their efforts to making sure they provide for their parents at that age when they cannot care for themselves. I think it's important to weed out culture from Islam. It's important to let women and men both know to make sincere dua'a for all their relations and all brothers and sisters -- and for mother and daughter-in-laws to treat each other as sisters, where the older sister advises her younger sisters. Jazakum'Allahu Khayran, WaSalaam As-Salaamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah for your wonderful post sister, I truly commend you on raising awareness of the importance of making sincere dua’a for your spouse’s parents and always wishing well for them.

However, I must say that living with in-laws right away after marriage is not a good thing primarily because at this point the spouses have a general adjustment phase in getting to know one another, and involving others in that adjustment can cause greater dissatisfaction.

Every sister I know who has lived or lives with in-laws has been or is unhappy. One is currently on medication to combat mental health issues as a result. This is not to say that there are not times when the situation does work out, I’m certain there are exceptions to the case. However, I believe strongly that spouses should create their own dwelling and build on their life together. Eventually that life will involve the care for elderly parents, and this is where both spouses should put 100% of their efforts to making sure they provide for their parents at that age when they cannot care for themselves.

I think it’s important to weed out culture from Islam. It’s important to let women and men both know to make sincere dua’a for all their relations and all brothers and sisters — and for mother and daughter-in-laws to treat each other as sisters, where the older sister advises her younger sisters.

Jazakum’Allahu Khayran,

WaSalaam

]]> By: human about http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-333 human about Mon, 01 Jun 2009 01:44:38 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-333 assalamualaikum. i like your posts and i add you in my link list. would you add me in your link list too. thanx. wassalam assalamualaikum. i like your posts and i add you in my link list. would you add me in your link list too. thanx. wassalam

]]> By: yasmin http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-225 yasmin Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:08:15 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-225 asalamu-alaykum mashallah this is the first time iam here...just wanted 2 say that this site is so wonderful n sweet may allah bless you,,,and i hope you learn arabic :) inshallah 1 day i will do the same inhsallah. love from yazzy asalamu-alaykum mashallah this is the first time iam here…just wanted 2 say that this site is so wonderful n sweet may allah bless you,,,and i hope you learn arabic :) inshallah 1 day i will do the same inhsallah. love from yazzy

]]> By: Umm Salihah http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-203 Umm Salihah Mon, 19 Jan 2009 13:34:39 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-203 Assalam-alaikam, I think I can agree with most of your post. Although it's not an obligation on us to care for our in-laws, it is to care for and be kind to your parents, and what kinder thing can a husband and wife do, than to help each other fulfil their duties towards their parents. When my mother-in-law came to stay for the first time she was used to running her own house in her own way and I was pregnant, so we kept having "diagreements" and tears. The next time she came , I was well, but she had Hep C and we both made an effort to let things go and let the other have her way. Things were so peaceful and she left saying I was her daughter. In the end, when we made the decision to hold our tongues, it was not so hard. Assalam-alaikam,
I think I can agree with most of your post. Although it’s not an obligation on us to care for our in-laws, it is to care for and be kind to your parents, and what kinder thing can a husband and wife do, than to help each other fulfil their duties towards their parents.

When my mother-in-law came to stay for the first time she was used to running her own house in her own way and I was pregnant, so we kept having “diagreements” and tears. The next time she came , I was well, but she had Hep C and we both made an effort to let things go and let the other have her way. Things were so peaceful and she left saying I was her daughter.

In the end, when we made the decision to hold our tongues, it was not so hard.

]]> By: Muslim Women http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-200 Muslim Women Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:13:49 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-200 Salaam - While I agree with your comments as well regarding getting to know your inlaws I do think it's very important to keep in mind that living with in laws is actually not reccomended (it's very much a cultural phenonemon that's developed throughout the years). And every act that a daughter-in-law does is an act of sawab and earns her reward but there are no requirements upon the daughter -in-law to her in-laws as there are with parents. So ideally everyone will be treated as equals it is important to keep in mind that there are limitations set by Islam for a reason because only Allah Almighty knows how people truly are and can become in certain situations Salaam - While I agree with your comments as well regarding getting to know your inlaws I do think it’s very important to keep in mind that living with in laws is actually not reccomended (it’s very much a cultural phenonemon that’s developed throughout the years). And every act that a daughter-in-law does is an act of sawab and earns her reward but there are no requirements upon the daughter -in-law to her in-laws as there are with parents. So ideally everyone will be treated as equals it is important to keep in mind that there are limitations set by Islam for a reason because only Allah Almighty knows how people truly are and can become in certain situations

]]> By: Arshada http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-199 Arshada Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:41:47 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-199 salaam alikuim Oh I wish there was a new post coming soon. Really miss reading posts from this blog. salaam alikuim

Oh I wish there was a new post coming soon. Really miss reading posts from this blog.

]]> By: Seher http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-197 Seher Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:36:40 +0000 http://themuslimhousewife.com/2008/10/16/living-with-the-laws/#comment-197 Hey salams Farah, Inshallah this finds you in the best of health and iman. I had no clue you moved back to michigan. Makes me a bit jealous :) But i bet you were a bit jealous leaving chicago after last weeks victory speech by obama....anyways... So let me respond to your current post: What a good topic, it was very well written. I think one thing you should have mentioned as well is that, its also an adjustment not only for yourself but an adjustment for everyone living in the house. I'm sure everyone has there way of doing things and thats when people start having issues, so its about compromise on both sides! Hey salams Farah,

Inshallah this finds you in the best of health and iman. I had no clue you moved back to michigan. Makes me a bit jealous :) But i bet you were a bit jealous leaving chicago after last weeks victory speech by obama….anyways…

So let me respond to your current post:
What a good topic, it was very well written. I think one thing you should have mentioned as well is that, its also an adjustment not only for yourself but an adjustment for everyone living in the house. I’m sure everyone has there way of doing things and thats when people start having issues, so its about compromise on both sides!

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