The Muslim Housewife.

1. MAKE GOOD INTENTIONS

As moms and wives we often get wrapped up in taking care of the family and home. Sometimes you may feel upset that you have no time to do extra to please Allah SWT. Well I’m here to tell you that everything you do in life can equal a reward, you just have to have the right intentions. One thing we all need to do is actively think of the reasons why we do things. For an example, when we take care of our husbands we should make the intention that we are doing this because Allah gets pleased with those wives who are good and grateful to their husbands.

2. HAVE ALONE TIME WITH ALLAH

It is also very important for us women to take out some alone time with Allah. Think of a time when the kids are asleep, this may be after Fajr salah or maybe after you tuck in the kids for the night. After you offer your prayer try sitting and just talking to Allah from the heart. Anything at all, things that are worrying you, things that you are grateful for, or maybe things you need help with in your life. I have done this on many occasions and Subhanallah you have this warm fuzzy feeling after you do it! You may go to your best friend to vent and tell her your frustrations, she might listen and maybe even judge you at times. But Allah, our true best friend is there to listen, He does not judge, and He is the only one that can truly help you. He is the All Hearer and the Allah Knower!

3. THINK OF DEATH ON A DAILY BASIS

And lastly, we need to remember to think of death on a daily basis. If we do this things are kept in perspective. You realize that this time we have in the duniya is temporary. You also remember to do more things now to get you an eternal, blissful life in the hereafter. Nothing is more certain than death, yet it seems like we take it so lightly. But the day will come when each one us will be visited by the Angel of Death. At that time we will leave our families and our most favorite things behind, and will be only left with our deeds. Are we ready to face our Lord? Have we done enough deeds to tip the balance in our favor? Truly death is the destroyer of all pleasures.

I ask Allah SWT to save us all from the punishment of hell, and to guide us and keep us on the straight path till the end of our time. I ask Allah the All Mighty to enter us all into Jannat ul Firdous. Ameen.

As summer comes near so do the abundance of weddings! I thought it would be most appropriate to write a post about lessons I learned from my own wedding. I hope this post will be beneficial for those getting married this summer, and for those who will get married in the future.

I will have to admit that writing this post means revisiting a really hard time in my life, but inshallah I think it will be beneficial to share my thoughts and experiences.

I had a typical Desi wedding. Bride and Groom center stage. Men on one side, women on the other. Nice decoration, good food. It was a day that my family and I prepared for so much, but only lasted a few mere hours. As most brides, I was center (literally) of attention that day. All decked out, dupatta on the head, adorned with jewelry and all fancied up. I was there, propped up on stage next to my newly wed for the world to see, men included. At the time it seemed like such a blissful moment.

Few months into my marriage I started experiencing out of the ordinary headaches, headaches that would not go away with any type of medication. I had always been a healthy girl with no health problems, the only thing that changed in my life was that fact that I was married. The headaches continued and seemed to come more often. I saw all types of doctors and had all types of tests, none of which could figure out what the problem was. I was perfectly healthy. Eventually doctors stamped my case as migraines. Let’s just say I didn’t buy it.

We thought the best thing to do would be to see a Sheikh. We went to someone very close to my husband, he had known this Sheikh for years before we got married. As we told the Sheikh the story, he diagnosed me as having hasad (jealously/envy). He said I most likely got hasad at the time of my wedding. When he said that, I thought back to my wedding day, my heart sunk to my stomach. That day did not seem as blissful anymore.

The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, warned Muslims against envy when he said “Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shapes. I do not say it shapes the hair but it shapes the religion. By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves.” [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

To confirm that I did have hasad inflicted upon me we saw various Shuyukh, including our dear Sh. Yasir Qadhi, who confirmed that I had hasad done on me. I went through years of unbearable physical pain, and all because of that one day that lasted a few hours. I ask Allah SWT to forgive me for being ignorant at the time.

My dear sisters, there is a lesson to be learned from my situation. I have not shared a personal story with you all so you would know of a person who had gone through hasad. I want those soon to be brides to realize that it is ok to celebrate a joyous event such as your wedding, but remember it is also very important to abide by Islamic rules and regulations during these occasions. I speak to myself before others when I say, there is no reason to display a bride, center stage, especially in front of men. I feel the best thing to do at functions such as these is to have a full partition. And even then I believe the best thing to do is have the bride sit at the same level as her guests. Moreover, don’t go overboard in anything you do that day, for Allah forbids israaf (being extravagant).

Alhumdulilah I am cured, and subhanallah have no more strange headaches. Allah knows best as to why and how this happened to me. It may have been a lesson that I and others hearing my story would learn from. Remember sisters, it is important to be cautious at the time of your wedding. Pay special attention in making sure your wedding meets Islamic guidelines and also remember to recite Ayat ul Kursi, Surah Al Falaq, Surah An Nas, and Surah Ikhlas before you go to bed, or better yet after every salah. For indeed this is the ultimate protection.

I ask Allah SWT, the Ultimate Protector, to keep us far, far away from hasad and seher. Ameen.

A Great Responsibility.

“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”

As mothers we are with our children most. Many times you see your children imitating you cooking, or ironing or reading a book. This shows that mothers have a great influence on their children without even trying. It is more important than ever for us mothers to set a good example for our children.

Allah SWT has given mothers a huge responsibility of rearing good Muslim children. Although our daily chores take over our lives it is important to prioritize and set aside some time for our children. As housewives we often feel it is part of our job description to be able to multi-task at all times. I often find myself doing the usual routine of life and of course Isra is with me at all times and I would play and read to her in between cooking dinner and studying for Al Huda. So I thought I was spending a good amount of time with Isra. In reality we need to ask ourselves how much of this time is quality time? I mention quality time because this is when you have 100% of your focus on your child.

Rearing Good Muslim Children.

Many times we think sending our children to Sunday school makes a good Muslim. This cannot be the primary source of Islamic education. Instead it can be a supplemental source of knowledge. The foundation of our children becomes strong and firm starting at home. If we surround our children with a good Islamic environment by reading Quran, reading them stories from “Heroes of Islam,” and minimizing the amount of T.V. they watch, they will naturally be more inclined to Islam and be strong in their beliefs. Another thing us mothers need to remember is if we want our children to do something or have certain habits, we need to be doing these things as well. For an example, if we want our children to read Quran daily, mothers should also be doing the same. It goes back to what I mentioned earlier about how children imitate their mothers.

Change.

Trying to achieve the goal of raising children with a strong Islamic foundation takes a lot of patience and determination. You may find that you have to change many of your habits before telling your children to do so. Because as we all know the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. How can we tell our children to do things we want them to do when we don’t do it ourselves, right? So for those who are mothers, soon to be mothers, or inshallah will be mothers in the future check yourselves. Try to instill the habits you want to see in your kids in yourself first. I bet once we do this we will automatically see some change in our kids. Lastly, we all need to remember that raising children with a strong Islamic foundation is not just good for their lives and society as a whole, but it benefits us as well. Raising good children will ensure, inshallah, that they will be a source of sadaqah jariyah when we leave this world to return to Allah SWT.