As summer comes near so do the abundance of weddings! I thought it would be most appropriate to write a post about lessons I learned from my own wedding. I hope this post will be beneficial for those getting married this summer, and for those who will get married in the future.
I will have to admit that writing this post means revisiting a really hard time in my life, but inshallah I think it will be beneficial to share my thoughts and experiences.
I had a typical Desi wedding. Bride and Groom center stage. Men on one side, women on the other. Nice decoration, good food. It was a day that my family and I prepared for so much, but only lasted a few mere hours. As most brides, I was center (literally) of attention that day. All decked out, dupatta on the head, adorned with jewelry and all fancied up. I was there, propped up on stage next to my newly wed for the world to see, men included. At the time it seemed like such a blissful moment.
Few months into my marriage I started experiencing out of the ordinary headaches, headaches that would not go away with any type of medication. I had always been a healthy girl with no health problems, the only thing that changed in my life was that fact that I was married. The headaches continued and seemed to come more often. I saw all types of doctors and had all types of tests, none of which could figure out what the problem was. I was perfectly healthy. Eventually doctors stamped my case as migraines. Let’s just say I didn’t buy it.
We thought the best thing to do would be to see a Sheikh. We went to someone very close to my husband, he had known this Sheikh for years before we got married. As we told the Sheikh the story, he diagnosed me as having hasad (jealously/envy). He said I most likely got hasad at the time of my wedding. When he said that, I thought back to my wedding day, my heart sunk to my stomach. That day did not seem as blissful anymore.
The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, warned Muslims against envy when he said “Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shapes. I do not say it shapes the hair but it shapes the religion. By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves.” [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]
To confirm that I did have hasad inflicted upon me we saw various Shuyukh, including our dear Sh. Yasir Qadhi, who confirmed that I had hasad done on me. I went through years of unbearable physical pain, and all because of that one day that lasted a few hours. I ask Allah SWT to forgive me for being ignorant at the time.
My dear sisters, there is a lesson to be learned from my situation. I have not shared a personal story with you all so you would know of a person who had gone through hasad. I want those soon to be brides to realize that it is ok to celebrate a joyous event such as your wedding, but remember it is also very important to abide by Islamic rules and regulations during these occasions. I speak to myself before others when I say, there is no reason to display a bride, center stage, especially in front of men. I feel the best thing to do at functions such as these is to have a full partition. And even then I believe the best thing to do is have the bride sit at the same level as her guests. Moreover, don’t go overboard in anything you do that day, for Allah forbids israaf (being extravagant).
Alhumdulilah I am cured, and subhanallah have no more strange headaches. Allah knows best as to why and how this happened to me. It may have been a lesson that I and others hearing my story would learn from. Remember sisters, it is important to be cautious at the time of your wedding. Pay special attention in making sure your wedding meets Islamic guidelines and also remember to recite Ayat ul Kursi, Surah Al Falaq, Surah An Nas, and Surah Ikhlas before you go to bed, or better yet after every salah. For indeed this is the ultimate protection.
I ask Allah SWT, the Ultimate Protector, to keep us far, far away from hasad and seher. Ameen.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Assalamulaykum
Im so proud of you that you brought up this topic and you were able to talk about this difficult past. If Allah puts us through excruciatingly painful situations (mental or physical) and we come out stronger, then Alhumdulilah!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
salaam all,
When we were going through this time, there were so many different tests, drugs diagnosis we got and for FIVE + years, no progress was made in reducing the headaches.
So if you are going through a difficult, challenging time w/o seening any light at the end of the tunnel, it is a zulm (opression) upon yourself to lose hope. Keep praying and trying, there will better days.
After every difficult, there is ease
Ahmed
May 7th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Ameen
May 7th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
JazakAllah khair for this. I have always wanted to speak about this issue, but feel hesitant as it would come much stronger from a sister who literally went through it. Major thanks, Umm Isra.
May 9th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Assalamu-alaykum-
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I also have always thought it sort of strange how we adorn a bride and parade her in front of people on a stage for all to see. I’m so happy that your headaches are gone. I do have a question- how did all the Sheikhs come to the conclusion that it was ‘hasad’? Was it because of something specific that they saw/felt in the circumstances or was it because when they performed certain duas the headaches went away? I am just curious and jazakAllah khair for this wonderful blog!
May 9th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Us salaam alaikum Nadia!
Great question! I should have mentioned that in my post. The different Shuyukh I saw came to the conclusion that I had hasad because they recited different duas and my headache would go away. Nothing else would take the pain away, Subhanallah!
I am glad you are enjoying the blog! Please keep up in your duas
May 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Umm Isra, do you recall which du’as were recited over you?
May 10th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Jazak Allah for posting this. I, too, believe that we’re not cautious of what we’re doing that may incite hasad. I never understood why a woman should expose herself to men on the one day in her life she is most adorned…
May 12th, 2008 at 12:00 am
SaqibSaab: From what I remember they recited various ayat, a lot of different verses from Surah Al Baqarah in particular. The ones I remember for sure are Ayat ul Kursi and the three Quls. If you would like to know in detail exactly what verses were recited over me I can do some further research and find out for you inshallah, let me know…
July 14th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Assalamu alaikum,
Jazakhallu khayran! WOw! This was so beneficial. I definitely want a partition on my wedding day w/o ne doubt inshallah. I sincerely do want to keep my future wedding as simple as possible. I will kick desi culture right where it hurts inshallah ..i really don’t want to be extravagant..may Allah azza wa jaal protect us all from that and make it easy for us inshallah!!!