The Muslim Housewife.

About a month ago, on a hot sticky day, I took Isra, my 15 month old daughter, to McDonald’s for an ice cream cone. I had been wanting to watch my lil munchkin eat a cone for some time and thought this would be a great day for it! As I drove into the McDonald’s parking lot the first thing that caught my eye was a drive thru lined up with Mini Vans with little kids in the back telling their Moms to make sure they get a Happy Meal with a certain toy.

As Isra was going at her ice cream I started thinking about how the golden arches twinkle in so many children’s eyes. A child is introduced to McDonald’s from such a young age and is instantly hooked to it. I am a mother who is totally against feeding children this type of frozen, fried, zapped, ready to eat fast food. With child obesity on the rise it is very important for us to watch what we feed children.

There are some mothers who drive their kids to Mickey D’s for a quick meal, knowing that their kids will enjoy the food, not complain, and at the end get a good amount of food for your buck. And then you have other mothers who are rushing back home from work and have no energy to cook up a meal after work so they think the easiest and cheapest thing to do is pick up a few Happy Meals for the kids. I don’t think there is any excuse for someone to feed their children this unhealthy food. Moms at home can take time out to make meals they know their kids will enjoy and the working mom should plan ahead and manage her time so she will be able to have a homemade meal ready for that day.

McDonald’s fast food is nutritionally high in fat and calories with very little good nutrition in it. So why would you want to feed your kid this garbage? Now, granted every now and then we all like eating out because it’s fun, a nice change for our taste buds, and most importantly it gives us women a break! But there are many other options of eating out than these typical fast food joints. For an example, our family loves eating at places like Chipotle, Qdoba, and Sweet Tomatoes. These places serve great fresh good that is delicious!

This post is not to tell you to stop eating out, just remember, when you do feel like eating out make wiser and healthier choices. And if the kids really want to go to the golden arches get them something small like some milk and apple dappers, or even a small sweet treat like an ice cream cone. This way they get to go, and eat something without going overboard on fat and calories. And remember when you make healthier choices for your children as they grow up they too will understand the importance of staying away from fast foods and eating a healthy, balanced diet.

“Oh mankind, eat from whatever is on the earth that is lawful and good (clean, pure, good) and do not follow the steps of Shaytaan. Indeed to you he is a clear enemy.” [2:168]

This past Sunday there was a potluck for two brides to be (my dear cousin-in-law and a daughter of a family friend) at my mother in laws house. At the party I gave my first Islamic “talk.” Below is the transcribed version…

Bismillah.

Narrated by Ibn Abbas: The Prophet (saw) said: “I was shown the hellfire and that te majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” He (saw) replied, “They were ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and good done to one of them and then she sees something in you no of her liking she will say, I have never received any good from you.”

Inshallah I will be giving a brief talk about a women’s natural disposition of generalizing her husband’s negative traits. Not only does this hadith give us a marital tip but it shows how much Allah SWT dislikes the act of ungratefulness. It is also very interesting to note that the punishment of this act is directly proportional to the impact it has on your marriage.

Generally speaking, if you look at the commands and punishments of Allah you will notice that the more negative impact a sin has on your life the more severe the punishment. Isn’t this so? For an example, adultery is a major sin. It ruins your relationship with your spouse which could lead to a bad relationship with your children. All of this leads to destruction in society. So as you can see adultery has a huge negative affect on your life therefore its punishment is equally as severe.

Tying this back to the hadith, being ungrateful to your husband can cause rifts in your marriage and furthermore it’s a road map to the hellfire. So what exactly is at the end of the road?

The Quran states:

“No food will there be for them except from a bitter, thorny plant which neither nourishes nor avails against hunger.” [88:6-7]

“They will be give to drink boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels to pieces. ” [47:15]

Subhanallah, Allah gives us a description of the hellfire and fully illustrates the punishment and torment. One will be so hungry and thirsty and will have nothing but these things to eat and drink. A person will eat the thorny plants and drink the boiling water hoping that his hunger and thirst will go away, but it doesn’t!

There are many examples of how women generalize their husband’s negative traits. Sometimes husbands have a chore in the house that they do on a regular basis. Usually it’s vacuuming or taking out the trash. He usually does it, but once in a while he forgets. You see the undone chore and start thinking of the fact that it’s not done, that day there are other things adding to your stress and the first moment you see your husband you say, “You never help me around the house.” You say this although you know that he truly does help you, but as any human forgets once in a while. The other example of ungratefulness is when you see good qualities in other husbands and compare them to your husband, totally undermining all of the good qualities your husband has that others do not.

Granted there are many times when women are overwhelmed with the many they have to do. From chasing after children, to cooking on a daily basis and at times even working. We have all the excuses in the world to be stressed, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for the moment we are with our husbands to take out our frustrations on him when he makes one isolated mistake.

Inshallah if you follow my three step formula called “FRE” you will avoid this dangerous pitfall in your marriage.

1. FOCUS on the positive traits rather than the negative one he just did

2. Seek REFUGE in Allah from the whispers of Shaytaan, this is the most important step one could take. Once you do this you will automatically feel a calmness overcome you.

3. Catch yourself EARLY before you go 1,000 miles in the wrong direction

Inshallah I make dua to Allah SWT, for Him to put mercy and blessings between you and your husband.

Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ‘ash-hadu ‘an laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa ‘Anta, ‘astaghfiruka wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayka.

Glory is to You, O Allah, and praise is to You. I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but You. I seek Your forgiveness and repent to You.

As I put my daughter Isra to sleep I couldn’t help but reflect upon the love I have for her. Subhanallah it is amazing how Allah SWT has made the relationship between a mother and her child, and how he has filled a mother’s heart with unconditional love. What melted my heart even more was when Isra would hum herself to sleep and then randomly turn around to give me a kiss!

I remember before I had a kid, I would hear from parents of how much they love their children, and of course my own mom and dad would express their love to me. They would say, ” you will not understand the love of a parent until you become one inshallah”. I thought I did understand until the day came where I had my own child. Now I can say without a doubt, that one does not know that type of love until they experience it.

It is unfortunate that many people undervalue their parents until they themselves become parents. Parents are the ones who went through sleepless nights to take care of you, who would worry if you got sick, and they would feed you before themselves. The list of the things they have done for us is endless, so should we not show them the utmost respect? There are many verses in the Quran that state a child’s duty to be good to his/her parents. I find it quite amazing that in almost all of the verses the order of being good to your parents comes right after the order of worshiping Allah alone. That truly shows you the importance of parents in Islam doesn’t it?

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.” [Surah Isra:23]

If your parents are alive, Alhumdulilah you still have a chance to earn great reward and make them happy. If your parents have left this world, you can still make dua for them.

A few years ago I took a class taught by Sh. Muhammad Faqih in Ann Arbor, MI. I remember we were learning about the importance of parents when he recited a beautiful poem in Arabic (I forgot the name of the writer). Below is the translation of the poem he recited…

One day a man with an evil intention
Deceived a boy with some money,
Wishing to cause him some harm.
He said to him “bring me the heart of your mother,
And I will give you a lot of reward.”
So this ungrateful boy went,
Stabbed her, cut her open.
He pulled the heart out, and was bringing it to the man
As he tripped and fell down,
The heart came out of his hand and got dusty.
As he looked up, he heard his mothers voice
Coming from the heart saying
“Oh my son, are you hurt?”
Upon hearing the voice he was shocked,
He thought to himself “what have I done?”
He grabbed the dagger, intending to stab himself
Suddenly he heard the heart scream out,
“Please stop, my son, do not stab yourself and kill me twice!”

Upon hearing this poem, my tears flowed uncontrollably. Soon after I called my mother and told her I loved her and asked her to forgive me for any hurt I may have caused her…

I ask Allah the All Mighty to protect our children from evil, to make their hearts firm in their deen, and to make them successful in this life and even more so in the hereafter. I ask Allah the Most Merciful to grant our parents Jannatul Firdous, and to have mercy on them. Ameen.